my sweet husband and daughter

With all that has gone on in the course of the last days my mind tonight is focused on my sweet husband and daughter. Bill left about an hour ago for school and Jennifer is in bed sound asleep. Bill and I have been on many journeys over our nearly fourteen years together (yes, it is hard to believe we have been together almost fourteen years). Almost each journey brings us closer together and the journey of the past week has been no different. Bill and I have shared more tears than I care to imagine over the past week, really Bill has been amazing to let me vent and cry at times. One morning last week I was at the end of my emotional threads and I just sobbed. Bill being the wonderful husband that he is just let me cry, he knew there was nothing that needed to be said he just knew I needed that time in his arms to cry. His heart is breaking just as much as mine but I know my husband well and know that he is carrying an extra burden. He is carrying his own heart break but he also carries mine with him. I could see in his sweet eyes tonight as he left that he was worried and anxious about leaving right now. My mom is coming to stay with Jennifer and I for a few days so that brings him some comfort but yet I know he is worried. Bill is a humble person and would not like that I am carrying on about him. But he is my wonderful, caring, loving husband. He is a man seeking hard after God, wanting nothing more than to serve and live a life honoring to Him. I am so glad that I get to journey through this thing called life with Bill. I could not have imagined going through the past days with anyone else.
As much as my heart has been breaking for Bill lately my heart is also breaking for Jennifer. This sweet girl has been on a little journey herself over the past week. She was sick last weekend, without her mom and dad around. Although she was well taken care of by her grammie, she is a daddy's girl when she is sick, so I know it was hard on her. Grammie then brought Jennifer back to our house, only to discover that her parents were not here, to get into a different car and drive ten hours. She then got to meet her brother, who she loved from the moment she saw him and then she had to watch as her parents handed him back over to the social worker. We then loaded her back into the car for another ten hour trip home. I cannot even begin to imagine how any four year old could understand and comprehend what she has gone through. The most difficult part is that Jennifer cannot communicate like most four year olds. She can't tell us how she is feeling or even what she is feeling. The main way for her to express her feelings is by simply showing her emotions. She has been clingy and slightly whinny since we got home, all ways that she is dealing with what has gone around her for the past week. We have spent the past three days together as a family and I don't know what tomorrow morning will bring when Bill is not here. Hopefully mama coming will help ease that pain for a day or two. The past few days Bill and I have noticed that Jennifer's smile seems to take up her entire face, it is the sweetest thing. Her laugh makes me want to laugh out loud and smile all the more. Among the sadness that has filled our house the past few days there is this sweet girl that brings so much joy. God is using our sweet girl to remind us that there are moments that need to be cherished today, even amidst the pain. There are reasons to laugh and smile, even through our tears.
As I go to bed tonight I thank God so very much for the sweetest husband ever and a daughter who continues to teach me lessons and make me laugh, even when I want to cry.