rainy day

Today is one of those days that I could just crawl back into bed, snuggle up and sleep until the rain stops. A few minutes ago I walked into the bedroom and it was nice and dark and my bed looked very comfy. The house is quiet this morning, Jennifer is at school, Bill is at work, there is nothing but the sound of the rain, it makes me tired. It has been a while since I have rambled to you all on the blog, so I thought nothing like a rainy day to ramble on the blog.
It has been a month since Bill and I got back from Michigan. How quickly the days seem to go, the memories of being there and returning home seem like they just happened yesterday and yet it has been an entire month. I have found myself wondering what our baby is doing these days. He would be a month old already and I wonder if he is ok. Is he getting enough to eat, is he sleeping well, has he been to the doctor, has anyone recommended a good speech or physical therapist to the mom, is he sleeping well? My list of questions could go on. I simply find myself wondering how he is doing. A friend of mine asked the other day if we had heard anything from our social worker in Michigan. The answer is no. The reality is that we probably never will. Not that the social worker would not pass anything on or that she doesn't want to know, it is simply the fact that the baby's mom will more than likely not talk to the social worker again. So my questions will probably never get answered and I will always probably wonder but that is just a part of it, something we will have to live with. I don't so much find myself missing our baby in the day to day things of life but rather when the events of life happen. A few weeks ago when it was Jennifer's birthday I was sad that Caleb wasn't here for that. As we went to graduation open houses this weekend I was sad that he wasn't here to go along. As we prepare to go on vacation in a little over a week I find myself sad that he won't be here to go along. I often think of how Jennifer would have loved her brother, probably a little too much at times but she would have loved him to pieces.
It was four years ago yesterday that we found out for sure that Jennifer had Down syndrome. It was four years ago that adoption was placed on our hearts. With all that has happened our hearts have not changed. In fact I would almost say that our hearts are burdened for children with special needs more than ever. Four years ago my out look on life changed greatly. The things that use to be important no longer were, the things that consumed me seemed to fade away. Now four years later I find myself in that same boat. I look at things around me and don't want to be consumed with the things of this world. I once again have a new perspective on life and what is important. (I could go on a little tangent right now but it would be long so maybe another day.) A month ago as I watched my sweet daughter walking in front of me down a hotel hallway, swinging her arm with attitude, my mind slipped back to that moment when she was a baby, that moment that Bill uttered the sweet word adoption into home. She was the reason we were there and she is the reason I would take this journey again. I would walk this road a thousand times over, loving on babies for a week at a time or as long as we are given because we know that there is a baby who needs our love and our family. We will keep walking this path one step at a time trusting God to mark out the path we are to walk on.
As I am finishing typing these words the rain is stopping and it is almost time for me to go get Jennifer from school. I need to go love my daughter, although she probably won't want me to!