feeling tired

Jennifer has gotten up by six-thirty the past several mornings, which for her is early! So today we were both tired. I have to admit by nine-thirty this morning I was exhausted, I could have easily taken a nap. No such luck though, not with a preschooler running around.
I talked with Bill this morning and could tell by his voice that he too is tired. He sounded kind of down too. He said that in class they spent some time talking about adoption. He said that everything is so fresh it was hard to listen. Sunday we went to church out of town (lots of reasons we didn't go to our church, long story for another day) and during the announcements the church had a little video about adoption ministry. As I listened tears filled my eyes. It is amazing to listen to people's hearts on adoption, there are so many people who are so committed to helping children and parents become families. I truly love to listen to people share their hearts, yet right now it is just hard. I can't begin to imagine what was going through Bill's head this morning.
As Bill and I talked he shared how the instructor was talking about the first time you get to hold your child and my mind quickly went back to when we first laid eyes on our baby. I had no idea what he would look like, yet he looked just as I thought, hard to explain. Bill said he began to realize that even though we have gone through much on the journey of adoption he would do the past weeks again in a heart beat. I so agree. We had almost a week with our baby, a week of holding, feeding, changing diapers and most of all loving him. If someone would have told me days before Caleb was born that it would turn out this way I don't know if I could have stayed away. We prepared for him and loved him already, he was already ours. Yes I would do it again, I would put my heart out there, knowing it might get broken again. We serve a God who has a purpose and plan for everything and so I trust that we are going through these days for a reason. I don't know what that purpose is yet and I may not until I see Jesus face-to-face but we continue on the journey of adoption trusting Him, for every good and perfect gift comes from Him.