melt my heart

Today when Jennifer got home from school she was in a funny mood, she was just making me laugh. She had had her lunch and was having her "pop" when she walked over to me, I was sitting at the table eating, put her arms around me and said, "Mom, I love you." Then she walked away. Melted my heart! She really can be sweet, when she wants to be.

(self-portrait, that is why it is not centered!)

outdoor chores

The past two weekends have been fairly nice to get a few last minute things done outside. So Bill and Jennifer have been working hard to get stuff ready for the cold months ahead.

Last weekend it was mowing the yard. Our yard was getting a little out of control so Bill decided it must be mowed. Of course Jennifer will be outside at any chance she gets so in between playing she thought her dad needed some help.

This weekend it was time to fix the mailbox. It was a little over a year ago that we woke up one morning to find our mailbox post had fallen over. It was really kind of funny. We propped it up and thought it would be good for a while. After the first dusting of snow the plow came by and clipped it. So not only was the post broke again but the mailbox itself broke. We had no door or flag anymore. Well, it was too cold to put in a new post so we just left it broken for the winter. This spring we broke down and bought a new mailbox but hadn't replaced the post yet. So that was Bill's project yesterday. After a year of being broken it is finally fixed!

This picture made me laugh. I looked out the window to see Bill working away and Jennifer just sitting on the curb watching.
Something is wrong with this picture, isn't the mailbox suppose to face the street?!Don't worry the project wasn't finished when I took these pictures so the mailbox will be placed on the right way so that we can get our mail on Monday morning.

check-up

Mikayla and I made the trip back to Rochester this afternoon for a quick check-up (before her doctor heads to Russia for three weeks!). We were in the car for three hours and at the hospital for all of an hour. Everything is well with our sweet girl! The doctor thought she looked good and sounded good. She doesn't have to take her meds anymore, which is good for her and I. Mikayla does not like to take her medicine and has become very good at simply holding it in her mouth and then spitting it back out once we think she has swallowed it. Already at four months old this sweet little girl has quite the personality, I can't wait to see what she has in store for us when she is older! Our two girls are going to keep us on our toes that is for sure. Mikayla doesn't have to go back for three months so that is good too. We are starting to see glimpses of Mikayla pre-surgery coming back. Yesterday she was full of smiles and Bill and I both had her giggling. Now if we could just get back to her old night time sleeping routine we would be good to go!

looking back

Bill and I were chatting yesterday afternoon and the first thing we began discussing was Mikayla. We continue to stand in amazement of God and how He has healed Mikayla's little body. Our sweet little girl had surgery just over a week ago and is doing amazing. Her incision looks great and each day she acts a little better and back to her old self. It was just three months ago that we drove to Wisconsin to pick up Mikayla and actually get to take her with us. I do love that Mikayla has become a part of our family. It is amazing how she simply "fits" into our family. God truly hand picked Mikayla for our family. I love getting to see her personality come out, watching the funny faces she makes, watching her hair grow in (it is going to be a surprise what color it will be and weather it will be curly or straight, I can't wait to find out), I simply love to watch our little girl grow (and our big girl too)! As Bill and I kept chatting we started discussing that it was six months ago that we were driving to Michigan as quickly as we could so we could hold our baby boy. It is hard to believe it has been six months ago since we held Caleb, got to love on him for a week and then come home without him. Our hearts still break for our son. He will truly always be ours, even if we never see him again, he will always be our son. We often find ourselves wondering about how he is doing. Is he laughing, when did he start smiling, is he starting to sit up yet, or rolling over? Most of all we wonder if he is being loved well? We do pray that his mom is loving him for who he is. The weird thing is that if we would have brought Caleb home we would not have Mikayla and I can't imagine our lives without her. Really though I want to have them both, as crazy as that would be in our home, I want both my babies to be here, Mikayla and Caleb. Some friends asked us a few weeks ago if they called tomorrow and said we could bring Caleb home what would we say? Without looking at each other and without hesitation Bill and I both said "yes, in heartbeat". Even knowing that Mikayla's surgery was coming we would say yes, we would make something work, but we would get him as quickly as we could. I think we will forever wonder about our son, we will forever want him back in our arms. As we look back over the past months of our lives, as hard as some of those moments have been, it is clear that God has had everything under control and He has worked everything out. It has been a roller coaster ride, sometimes we have really wanted to get off and stop the ride but I guess when it comes down to it I won't really have wanted to miss the ride either.

post surgery pics

You look at Mikayla and wonder if she even had surgery a few days ago...
Then you realize oh, yes she did...

I must admit I do love this last picture. Notice her thumb in her mouth, her favorite thing really and could her smile be any sweeter?! I look at her smile and my heart melts, then I look down and see her little chest and my heart breaks for my little girl. She is one tough girl!
It has been wonderful to be home today. Mikayla is doing fairly well. She has her moments where she just cries but then again I think I would too if I had just been through what she has been through. She is eating well and has been sleepy this evening. Her poor little tummy is still kind of messed up so we are praying for gas and poop (I know kind of funny but its the truth). I am off to snuggle with Mikayla for a few minutes and then it is off to bed for both of us.

home!

Mikayla got to come home today!! Hooray! When I got to the hospital this morning the nurse seemed to think that she would be able to go home but we didn't find out until the surgeon's assistance came in and started giving me lots of stuff, which meant we were going home. What a great feeling to get back home. Mikayla was once again a trooper getting ready for the trip home and on the way home. She was a little fussy this afternoon once we got home but that is to be expected. It truly is hard to believe that she just had surgery five days ago. She is a super-star!! We are giving all the glory to God because He is the Great Healer, without his hand on her little life this would not be possible. We have to go back next week for a check-up but other than that life kind of goes on as normal. Mikayla needs to stay away from sickness for now, which may be hard when Jennifer has a little cold but we will have to try our hardest. We are rejoicing in the fact that we all get to be home together once again. I will try to post pictures of Mikayla's battle scars soon. To simply look at her you would almost not know she had surgery five days ago but once you look closely you can see the top of her scar.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2

much better day

Mikayla had a much better day today! When I got to her room this morning she was smiling and kicking around. It was a lot better to see her this way than the way she was yesterday. Although I hated to see her have a bad day yesterday it was ok because we will probably have days like that once we get home. I was glad I saw what to expect here rather than for the first time at home and not know what was wrong with our sweet girl. The nurse seems to think that maybe we could go home tomorrow, the doctor didn't say anything so we will see. It would be great to go home tomorrow but I don't want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed. So I am planning for Wednesday or Thursday and if it happens tomorrow then I can be surprised. Other than smiling a lot and eating better it was a pretty uneventful day. Mikayla is slowly starting to get her appetite back, she ate better today than yesterday but not totally back up to where she should be. I don't know much else tonight, I will keep you posted about weather or not we get to go home tomorrow or later in the week.

fussy day

I just left sweet Mikayla's room and she was doing a little better. She kind of had a fussy day, she is still doing well just an upset tummy most of the day. The nurse said it is nothing out of the ordinary and that she will have days like this, even after she goes home. Not much eating was happening either but it was because her tummy was so upset. I finally was able to get her to eat a couple of ounces before I left for the night. Hopefully she will rest now and feel better in the morning. Jennifer came today which was great. It was hard for her to see Mikayla fussy, it really bothers her when Mikayla is upset. Bill headed home with Jennifer this afternoon, which is a good thing for J, she needs a little normalcy back in her days, although she had a ton of fun at her grammies I know. We are hoping that tomorrow is a little better day for Mikayla and hopefully we will find out more about when she could possibly come home! It seems a little strange to think she could be almost ready to go home but she is a trooper and doing great. I am slightly exhausted tonight so this post is short and sweet. Because Bill left there will be no pictures until we get home, sorry to those of you who love to see pictures each day. Until tomorrow...

doing great!

Mikayla is doing amazingly well!! Seriously I must admit how blown away I am at how well she is doing. Around 11:30 this morning they took her breathing tube out and she did so great. She had no set backs with it and is now breathing on her own beautifully. As I am typing this she is finishing a bottle, it is her second of the day. The sweet thing about her eating is that we get to hold her!! It is a great feeling to get to hold our sweet girl again. They are weaning Mikayla off most of her medicines and she is handling everything so well. She is a little crabby because I think she just wants to eat and be held, she is happy in our arms but a little sad when we have to put her back in her bed. We are hoping that some of her other tubes get to come out tonight. It is just amazing to look at this little girl knowing she had her chest opened up yesterday morning!!

The breathing tube is out and she is wide awake!!

One of the nurses gave Mikayla some toys to play with while she is in her bed, too cute!

doing well

We just left Mikayla a few minutes ago. After a long day she is doing well. We were a little bummed because they decided to keep the breathing tube tonight. This is really to be expected and it would have been a bit early to take it out yet tonight. The disappointing thing is that we can't hold her until that comes out. So we are hoping for tomorrow morning sometime, it is hard to not get to hold my baby! Mikayla has had a lot of junk on her lungs so the nurse has been sucking it out, which is sort of a process to watch. We are thankfully that Mikayla has such sweet nurses caring for her who are watching out for her and doing all they can for her. Other than that she is really doing well. She really looks great! I think Bill and I both were expecting her to look a little rough after being in surgery but much to our surprise she looked amazing. We are both exhausted after a long day. We were talking tonight that is sort of seems funny because the doctors and nurses are very positive with how things are going, she looks so amazing and is doing so well that it feels as though they really didn't do much and all our worrying was really not necessary. When your child is going into someone else hands to have their heart worked on of course we as parents are going to worry and be anxious. Yet throughout the day there was an incredible peace that only could have come from the Father in heaven.

Here is Mikayla sleeping so soundly last night.

Not a great picture of Mikayla but... this morning they put this little "hat" on her, it is a surgeon's hat for her to look like a surgeon. How cute is that?!

Here is Mikayla after coming up from the or. In this picture it is kind of hard to see her but she is laying in that little bed.

The next two pictures are of Mikayla with all her wires come out of her. It is a bit overwhelming to see your baby like this for the first time. I told Bill I just want to scoop her up and hold but I can't.

We are off to bed, I hope you all sleep well tonight, I know we will...

out of surgery

Mikayla is done with surgery and doing well!! We just meet with the doctor and he said everything went well. He repaired the holes that needed repaired and was able to save her valve. Which is all good news. He said she did well and now we are waiting for her to come up to ICU. It will be a while before she gets of the operating room and up to her room. They are thinking maybe they will even try to take her breathing tube out today sometime!! That means we could hold her! The surgery was a little shorter than we expected, which is a good thing. They told us a little after nine that they started and put her on bypass. Then a little after eleven thirty they came up and said she is done and we could meet with the doctor. We are taking a deep breath and just waiting to get to see our sweet girl. Thanks everyone for your continued prayers! Hopefully we can take some pictures later tonight and post some tonight.

off to surgery

We left our sweet baby girl about an hour ago and she was off to get sedated. Once she is sedated they will put all her "lines" in and then they will start surgery. They said they could take up to two hours from when we left her so we are hoping about ten o'clock that the surgery will start.

Although we have a peace about the surgery that Mikayla will soon receive there is just something about holding your small child in your arms and knowing that they are about to break open her check and begin working on her little body. It was kind of overwhelming handing her over to the nurse. Mikayla is in excellent hands yet it is hard. The doctors I think her procedure is fairly routine, as far as heart stuff goes yet as a parent it is my baby girl they are going to work on. It is also hard for us to let her go because it feels as though we just got her home, it was just four short months ago that we found out we were going to get to be the forever family for Mikayla.

As I was praying early this week I kept finding myself telling God that I trust in His plan and will and I trust in His might power. As I woke up this morning I found myself praying that again. I trust in God's plan for Mikayla's life, I trust in His will and I trust in His might power, that He is holding our sweet girl today.

A friend emailed me this verse this morning:

Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands"

God not only created Mikayla but now she is engraved on the palms of his hands, I love the picture of that! We are resting in His power this morning...

I will update when we hear more

surgery tomorrow

After a day of appointments we are ready for surgery tomorrow morning. Mikayla was a trooper today has she was poked and prodded. After a long day she is taking a little nap, getting all rested up for her big day tomorrow. We have to be at the hospital bright and early in the morning, 6:15, I know some of you don't think that is early, for me who loves sleep it is early! The pre-op stuff will take a couple of hours and the surgery will take between three and four hours (Gayle, I know you are thinking that sounds like a breeze!), then she will be in post-op and then we will get to see her. We are ready for tomorrow to get here and be over with, I must admit. We asked the doctor today how big Mikayla's heart was, it is the about the size of a lemon or it was also described as putting her fists together. Her fists are not very big, even put together. I can't even imagine how tiny her heart is and how hard it would be to operate on such a tiny thing. We have complete trust that the hands of our Father will be guiding the hands of the surgeon. Yesterday some very familiar verses kept entering my mind "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5. God will be holding our sweetMikayla in His hands and we trust completely in His plan for her little life. We will (try) to post things throughout the day and let everyone know how things are going. To all of our praying friends, thanks for praying today and thanks in advance for your prayers tomorrow! It is a sweet thought to know that people are on their knees on our behalf.

Bill thought we should take some pictures of Mikayla pre-surgery. So take notice of this picture because tomorrow this sweet little girl will have her chest cut open.

funny

This afternoon and evening the girls were both in great moods. Mikayla was full of smiles and giggles, it was of course very cute. Jennifer was full of energy and she was just being funny. Jumping on the bed while Bill and I folded landry, singing at the top of her lungs. We thought for sure there was going to be a crash at one point but she managed to keep herself on the bed during all the jumping. Later we were all in the kitchen, Jennifer standing on a chair by the counter waiting to make popcorn, Bill was in the fridge looking for something and I was standing by the fridge talking to Bill. Bill was just being funny when out of the blue Jennifer laughs and says, "Dad you funny!" Bill and I just looked at each other and busted out laughing. It was too cute!

Cactus Bill

Last week we were in Colorado for a pastor's retreat. It was a fun little time away and it is always fun to get to hang out with our friends. The first we day we got to Colorado we decided to stop at a place called "Garden of the gods" to do a little hiking before we went to the conference. Here is the story:
After walking for a little bit a few of the people (there were 8 of us on the trip) decided to climb up a hill to get a better looks at Pikes Peak, which was in the distant. "Let's go there!"

So five of them set out up this hill, while myself and two of the other wives stayed back. We could see when they got to the top of the hill and we waved. On the way back down the hill Bill lost his footing a little and slipped. As he got up he noticed a cactus and in his wondered if he had landed on it. He gets up and keeps going for a few steps. He then decides to ask one of the guys if he feel on something. Bill turns around and they notice he has indeed fallen on a cactus!! It is hard to see but his back is covered in cactus needles!

We spent the next half hour or so trying to get the needles removed from Bill's back. It was a process, with some of us getting poked ourselves and some of the needles breaking off and staying in Bill's back. We think after days of picking all the needles are out!

Bill of course was a good sport about it all and we all had a good laugh. Next time you are in Colorado though, watch out of the cactus!!

new glasses

Finally, I'm able to get pictures on our blog! We went yesterday afternoon to get Jennifer's glasses and we got some really cute pictures of her but it has been a challenge to get pictures on the blog so if this post is a little weird I do apologize. We went to get Jennifer's glasses and as we got back in the truck to drive home the glasses came off. I looked at Bill and said "So the struggle begins!" We are slowly but surely breaking them in, not making her wear them all the time but trying to get her to wear them for little bits of time, just breaking them in for now. We finally got her to put them on Friday afternoon by giving her a "pop"!

Jennifer would do just about anything for a "pop", in this case put on her glasses, which she really did not want to put on. I think they lasted about five minutes. We have to start somewhere.

Some sweet friends from Florida sent the girls some clothes!! Here is Jennifer sporting her Steelers sweatshirt, which is very, very cute. (Thanks Bernie and Susie, we love the gifts! Of course Bill thinks Jen's sweatshirt is great!)

Oh the attitude of this sweet girl! I hate to think what it will be like as she gets older! She is pretty cute even with an attitude!